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The Autistic Christian, part 1
The Autistic Christian, part 2
As an autistic person, albeit high functioning, life is a struggle. The world is awesome in its complexity. It
contains all the customary codes of social conduct, a myriad of occupations and vocations, behavioral nuances of every description, emotional obligations, and ethical standards. All of those escape me.
In addition, I'm afraid of or intensely dislike the color orange, the telephone ringing, conversation, interruption in my routine, loud noises, certain locations, running into people I know when I'm out of the house, Jiffy Pop, raucous laughter, makeup, fingerpaint, non-symmetrical things, unanswered questions, unfinished conversations, any and all games, unsolved mysteries, and so on. I have issues with sympathy and empathy, I'm a bundle of nerves and I need notes in my pocket to help me remember what to say when I am one-on-one. I'm a loner, eschew fellowship, people in general, and like to study one subject until I exhaust it.
I rigidly adhere to routines, demand my apartment looks a certain way with everything in its place, and only eat a limited range of foods. I haven't been out of my geographical range for five years.
For 43 years I never knew why I thought the thoughts I had, or behaved the way I did, I just knew I was different. I was a disappointment to loved ones, a mystery to teachers, someone pitied by my friends.
I am autistic.
In the previous two essays I related my life from birth to 2004 when I was 43 years old. I was not saved and never had steady religious instruction nor attended church in any meaningful way. I was an enemy of Jesus, a craven sinner.
I was lost.
In December 2003 I was saved. In only two weeks, on January 2004 I made some important decisions. I bought and began to read the bible. I grew rapidly in Christ and 18 months later in mid 2006 when I finished my work in Maine I moved to Georgia. I began attending church.
In 2008 I was faced once again with a conundrum of how to maintain myself financially and professionally. Just like going to college in 1978, after my divorce in 1986 and after my other divorce in 2004, I was alone and needed employment in order to support myself. I had sold my business and was living on the proceeds and also supplementing my income with freelance writing for the daily newspaper here in GA. My savings was dwindling fast. I needed a steady job.
Frankly, I was frustrated with myself. Why was it that I never seemed to be able to maintain long-term relationships? Why was it so tough to support myself? Why did I put something on the stove, wander off, and burn it so the smoke alarm goes off and the pan is ruined? Like, every night? Why did I forget to pay bills? Why did I dread being with people? Why was I so rigid in my routine? Why was everything so hard?
Did not he who made me in the womb make him? And did not one fashion us in the womb?
(Job 31:15)I decided to go back to the last job I'd formerly had, in 1990, teaching. I added my name to the sub list and began substitute teaching in my county. The next year I was hired as a Special Education para-professional.
It was through my job I discovered my autism. In working with autistic children, and in studying the Encyclopedia of Autism, and speaking with the professionals I worked with, I finally understood the answers to all the above questions, and more.
However, now I had different questions.
Why did God make me this way? What was it about my personality and brain that could glorify Him uniquely? What were my spiritual gifts?
Being in Christ meant that I was at long last docked in a world where things finally made sense. I finally had found a worthy Person to serve: Jesus. Truth was the highest priority. Finally, the unvarnished truth was valued! Holy living by His set of standards was also the priority. The rules were clearly laid out in the bible. I love that. I have a manual that explains how to live, love, relate, and worship!! It's all written down! No more guessing for me, no sir. And... at long last I'd found a subject I couldn't exhaust. God is infinite and the bible is an infinite training manual. (2 Timothy 3:16).
While media often depicts an autistic person obsessively studying and talking about one subject their whole lives, like trains for instance, all subjects are finite. Eventually one reaches the end of the road with learning it. Or at least I had gone as far as I could given the resources I'd had. For example, I earned a 4.0 in my Masters program of Literacy Education and the only next step I could take was obtaining a PhD, something that would require a great amount of expense and travel for over two hours to the nearest University that offered one in my area of learning. I exhausted journalism, mollusks, heraldry, King Arthur, and education, topics I'd studied at different points in my life. There is no new information to be added to the collection of information about King Arthur, once you've studied it all, you're done. This is disconcerting to an autistic person. I constantly worried about the end, and what to study next.
The bible is infinite!! There never will be an end to it! What a relief!
In addition, the bible lays out clear rules for living, and many how-to's. The routine of going to church is a comfort.
Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb: “I am the Lord, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself, (Isaiah 44:24)In actuality, Christianity seemed like a perfect fit. In secular life, there are many speculations from unsaved people about the autistic brain and whether an autistic person can accept religion.
Autism May Diminish Belief in God
People who have more traits of autism are less likely to believe in God that those that do not have such traits, according to new research that suggests that belief is boosted by the ability to see into the minds of others. This ability, often called theory of mind, or mentalizing, is diminished in people with autism spectrum disorders, a cluster of conditions marked by communication and social difficulties. Because people's beliefs in God are often marked by feelings of having a personal relationship with the deity, prayer and worship may require a sense of what God could be thinking, researchers report Wednesday (May 30) in the journal PLoS ONE.
Religious Belief Systems of Persons with High Functioning Autism
Persons with autistic spectrum disorder were much more likely than those in our neurotypical comparison group to identify as atheist or agnostic, and, if religious, were more likely to construct their own religious belief system. Nonbelief was also higher in those who were attracted to systemizing activities, as measured by the Systemizing Quotient.
HOGWASH!
Though those articles claim that it is harder for an autistic person to believe in God, personally I believe it is easier. First, the Lord put eternity in the hearts of all men (Ecc 3:11), and “what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them”. (Romans 1:19). So in that respect, it is easy to believe in God. But because men are depraved, they suppress what they know about God in unrighteousness. (Romans 1:18). So everyone, autistic or not, has an innate sense of God's existence simply by being alive on His planet.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)Secondly, I mentioned that I spent a great deal of time in the natural world. As a child growing up it was where I went to decompress. I also lived on a sailboat for two years, and in a camper van camping outdoors for three months across country. I traveled a lot and hiked, walked, or otherwise saw many amazing natural sights. It was obvious and logical to me that this world was not an accident from a big bang. It was created. And since it had to have been created, God must have created it. Logically, this conclusion seemed to me to be almost a given.
Thirdly, even though God obviously made the world, I was not so sure about the name of Jesus. God was one thing but Jesus and the whole blood, wrath, and sin thing was another. However every person on the planet who lives nor or who ever lived, except for Jesus, has a sin nature and denies Jesus and their need for a savior as a matter of course. (Romans 3:11; Psalm 53:2). So no one comes to saving grace unless the Spirit draws him, autistic or not. Hence the hogwash comment, scientists. (1 Timothy 6:20). No one can believe in Jesus but everyone can plainly see there is a God (Romans 1:18-21).
I see now in hindsight that Jesus gave me the talent of writing, honed over many decades, so that after I was saved, I could write about Him. He gave me and honed in me the talent of speaking/teaching so I could support myself. When the time came, He gave me the spiritual gift of teaching. (Romans 12:7).
What a grand thing it is as an autistic person to be given an almost inability to lie and a severe love of the truth, and then come into His Truth so as to proclaim it! This is the gift of exhortation. (Romans 12:8). And as an autistic person constantly researching my favorite subjects, I have a tremendous ability to quickly sift through massive amounts of information and dispense with the invalid or useless and detect the useful. Also I can organize massive amounts of information into a coherent progression of thought. And thus He gave me the spiritual gift of Distinguishing of Spirits, or discernment. (1 Cor. 12:10).
I am a spiritual snowflake.
John MacArthur has some thoughts on the spiritual gifts and the dispensing of them
I believe that every Christian is a spiritual snowflake. Just like you are literally the only one of your kind, even if you're a twin you're different than your twin. Your fingerprints are different, your teeth are different, and other parts of you are different. Every one of us stamped with absolute uniqueness, we are all creative idiots, in that sense. We are peculiar, we are unique. There's no one like us. We are spiritual snowflakes. And I believe that when the Spirit of God gives to every believer gifts, He gives them individually to each believer absolutely peculiar to that believer.
You say, "Well, you know, there's only about a dozen of them listed here. How you going to divide a dozen gifts up among millions of Christians and make them all different?"
Let me tell you how. I believe you have a list of gifts in Romans 12, a list of gifts in 1 Corinthians 12. The fact that they are different shows how much latitude there is in their definition. Paul lists some in the Roman passage, he lists some in the Corinthian passage and there is some duplication and some non‑duplication. And it's almost as if he's just suggesting broad categories. The best way to understand it would be that they're like colors on a palette and each gift would be a color and as God takes His brush and paints you, He dips into different color categories and paints you a unique color. You're not the same as someone else. Even if you had fifteen people or twenty or five thousand who all had a gift of teaching, you could have them all teach and they would all teach differently, uniquely. (source)
As the Spirit does with all people, He gives gifts in various amounts to glorify Jesus so that each one of us uniquely can exalt Him through our walk.
Certain of my struggles in Christianity might be unique to autism but the fact that I am a human being who struggles with sins or with obedience to Jesus is not unique at all. We all have that, no matter who we are. Where the bible says to speak the truth (Ephesians 4:15a) I can do this even when it is uncomfortable. However the verse says to speak the truth in love, and this is harder. I am unfamiliar with the usual expressions of love and I have to work a little harder to be sure not to be ungentle.
2 Timothy 3:14-17 says to study the bible, which is a great and easy thing for me to do because I love to have a study-hobby that will be ever changing and inexhaustible ... now with the eternal benefit of learning about an infinite Savior, but it also says to fellowship and meet together, (1 John 1:3, Hebrews 10:25) something that is very hard for me to do.
So I struggle with fellowship, restoring gently, and mercy, but what human doesn't struggle with some aspect of church life, obedience, or sins? Some struggle with coveting, others lying, or forgiveness. All humans find certain aspects of the rules for holy living difficult. This is a human thing, not necessarily an autistic thing.
My LORD made me. The same hand that knitted me together, autistic brain and all, also stretched out the universe. Since He made me, and all that He does is Good, then it must be good that I am the way I am. The only thing that remains is to revel in His goodness and seek ways to exalt and honor Him.
God created every snowflake in this scene unique, and perfect in its uniqueness. We are all on the same road to glory, which ends at the feet of Jesus.
Who am I to question His knitting of me? He put me on this earth, HIS earth, to enjoy His creation, to live and develop talents, and at His timing to be brought into the Kingdom a repentant sinner so as to glorify Him by the gifts He gave me. It does not matter who is male or female, who is young or old, who is gifted with mercy or who is gifted with teaching. It does not matter who is autistic, who is a paraplegic, who uses a cane to walk into church and who bounds up the steps with energy. It does not matter who was saved young and who was saved old.
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.." (Galatians 3:28).
In Christ, I am not autistic. The only label that eternally matters is that I am called a child of the Most High God. What a glorious label!
for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. (Galatians 3:26)
Further reading
The Autistic Christian, part 1
The Autistic Christian, part 2
The Christian Institute on Disability
How should Christian parents respond if their child has a learning disability?
What effects do conditions like autism, attachment disorder, ADHD, etc., have on the Christian life?
The Autistic Christian, part 2
As an autistic person, albeit high functioning, life is a struggle. The world is awesome in its complexity. It
 |
| By Michael, Creative Commons |
In addition, I'm afraid of or intensely dislike the color orange, the telephone ringing, conversation, interruption in my routine, loud noises, certain locations, running into people I know when I'm out of the house, Jiffy Pop, raucous laughter, makeup, fingerpaint, non-symmetrical things, unanswered questions, unfinished conversations, any and all games, unsolved mysteries, and so on. I have issues with sympathy and empathy, I'm a bundle of nerves and I need notes in my pocket to help me remember what to say when I am one-on-one. I'm a loner, eschew fellowship, people in general, and like to study one subject until I exhaust it.
I rigidly adhere to routines, demand my apartment looks a certain way with everything in its place, and only eat a limited range of foods. I haven't been out of my geographical range for five years.
For 43 years I never knew why I thought the thoughts I had, or behaved the way I did, I just knew I was different. I was a disappointment to loved ones, a mystery to teachers, someone pitied by my friends.
 |
| Public Domain |
In the previous two essays I related my life from birth to 2004 when I was 43 years old. I was not saved and never had steady religious instruction nor attended church in any meaningful way. I was an enemy of Jesus, a craven sinner.
I was lost.
In December 2003 I was saved. In only two weeks, on January 2004 I made some important decisions. I bought and began to read the bible. I grew rapidly in Christ and 18 months later in mid 2006 when I finished my work in Maine I moved to Georgia. I began attending church.
In 2008 I was faced once again with a conundrum of how to maintain myself financially and professionally. Just like going to college in 1978, after my divorce in 1986 and after my other divorce in 2004, I was alone and needed employment in order to support myself. I had sold my business and was living on the proceeds and also supplementing my income with freelance writing for the daily newspaper here in GA. My savings was dwindling fast. I needed a steady job.
Frankly, I was frustrated with myself. Why was it that I never seemed to be able to maintain long-term relationships? Why was it so tough to support myself? Why did I put something on the stove, wander off, and burn it so the smoke alarm goes off and the pan is ruined? Like, every night? Why did I forget to pay bills? Why did I dread being with people? Why was I so rigid in my routine? Why was everything so hard?
Did not he who made me in the womb make him? And did not one fashion us in the womb?
(Job 31:15)I decided to go back to the last job I'd formerly had, in 1990, teaching. I added my name to the sub list and began substitute teaching in my county. The next year I was hired as a Special Education para-professional.
It was through my job I discovered my autism. In working with autistic children, and in studying the Encyclopedia of Autism, and speaking with the professionals I worked with, I finally understood the answers to all the above questions, and more.
However, now I had different questions.
 |
| Ice Crystal by yellowcloud |
Why did God make me this way? What was it about my personality and brain that could glorify Him uniquely? What were my spiritual gifts?
Being in Christ meant that I was at long last docked in a world where things finally made sense. I finally had found a worthy Person to serve: Jesus. Truth was the highest priority. Finally, the unvarnished truth was valued! Holy living by His set of standards was also the priority. The rules were clearly laid out in the bible. I love that. I have a manual that explains how to live, love, relate, and worship!! It's all written down! No more guessing for me, no sir. And... at long last I'd found a subject I couldn't exhaust. God is infinite and the bible is an infinite training manual. (2 Timothy 3:16).
While media often depicts an autistic person obsessively studying and talking about one subject their whole lives, like trains for instance, all subjects are finite. Eventually one reaches the end of the road with learning it. Or at least I had gone as far as I could given the resources I'd had. For example, I earned a 4.0 in my Masters program of Literacy Education and the only next step I could take was obtaining a PhD, something that would require a great amount of expense and travel for over two hours to the nearest University that offered one in my area of learning. I exhausted journalism, mollusks, heraldry, King Arthur, and education, topics I'd studied at different points in my life. There is no new information to be added to the collection of information about King Arthur, once you've studied it all, you're done. This is disconcerting to an autistic person. I constantly worried about the end, and what to study next.
The bible is infinite!! There never will be an end to it! What a relief!
In addition, the bible lays out clear rules for living, and many how-to's. The routine of going to church is a comfort.
Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, who formed you from the womb: “I am the Lord, who made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself, (Isaiah 44:24)In actuality, Christianity seemed like a perfect fit. In secular life, there are many speculations from unsaved people about the autistic brain and whether an autistic person can accept religion.
Autism May Diminish Belief in God
People who have more traits of autism are less likely to believe in God that those that do not have such traits, according to new research that suggests that belief is boosted by the ability to see into the minds of others. This ability, often called theory of mind, or mentalizing, is diminished in people with autism spectrum disorders, a cluster of conditions marked by communication and social difficulties. Because people's beliefs in God are often marked by feelings of having a personal relationship with the deity, prayer and worship may require a sense of what God could be thinking, researchers report Wednesday (May 30) in the journal PLoS ONE.
Religious Belief Systems of Persons with High Functioning Autism
Persons with autistic spectrum disorder were much more likely than those in our neurotypical comparison group to identify as atheist or agnostic, and, if religious, were more likely to construct their own religious belief system. Nonbelief was also higher in those who were attracted to systemizing activities, as measured by the Systemizing Quotient.
HOGWASH!
Though those articles claim that it is harder for an autistic person to believe in God, personally I believe it is easier. First, the Lord put eternity in the hearts of all men (Ecc 3:11), and “what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them”. (Romans 1:19). So in that respect, it is easy to believe in God. But because men are depraved, they suppress what they know about God in unrighteousness. (Romans 1:18). So everyone, autistic or not, has an innate sense of God's existence simply by being alive on His planet.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13)Secondly, I mentioned that I spent a great deal of time in the natural world. As a child growing up it was where I went to decompress. I also lived on a sailboat for two years, and in a camper van camping outdoors for three months across country. I traveled a lot and hiked, walked, or otherwise saw many amazing natural sights. It was obvious and logical to me that this world was not an accident from a big bang. It was created. And since it had to have been created, God must have created it. Logically, this conclusion seemed to me to be almost a given.
Thirdly, even though God obviously made the world, I was not so sure about the name of Jesus. God was one thing but Jesus and the whole blood, wrath, and sin thing was another. However every person on the planet who lives nor or who ever lived, except for Jesus, has a sin nature and denies Jesus and their need for a savior as a matter of course. (Romans 3:11; Psalm 53:2). So no one comes to saving grace unless the Spirit draws him, autistic or not. Hence the hogwash comment, scientists. (1 Timothy 6:20). No one can believe in Jesus but everyone can plainly see there is a God (Romans 1:18-21).
I see now in hindsight that Jesus gave me the talent of writing, honed over many decades, so that after I was saved, I could write about Him. He gave me and honed in me the talent of speaking/teaching so I could support myself. When the time came, He gave me the spiritual gift of teaching. (Romans 12:7).
What a grand thing it is as an autistic person to be given an almost inability to lie and a severe love of the truth, and then come into His Truth so as to proclaim it! This is the gift of exhortation. (Romans 12:8). And as an autistic person constantly researching my favorite subjects, I have a tremendous ability to quickly sift through massive amounts of information and dispense with the invalid or useless and detect the useful. Also I can organize massive amounts of information into a coherent progression of thought. And thus He gave me the spiritual gift of Distinguishing of Spirits, or discernment. (1 Cor. 12:10).
I am a spiritual snowflake.
John MacArthur has some thoughts on the spiritual gifts and the dispensing of them
 |
| Josef Reischig, Wikimedia CC |
You say, "Well, you know, there's only about a dozen of them listed here. How you going to divide a dozen gifts up among millions of Christians and make them all different?"
Let me tell you how. I believe you have a list of gifts in Romans 12, a list of gifts in 1 Corinthians 12. The fact that they are different shows how much latitude there is in their definition. Paul lists some in the Roman passage, he lists some in the Corinthian passage and there is some duplication and some non‑duplication. And it's almost as if he's just suggesting broad categories. The best way to understand it would be that they're like colors on a palette and each gift would be a color and as God takes His brush and paints you, He dips into different color categories and paints you a unique color. You're not the same as someone else. Even if you had fifteen people or twenty or five thousand who all had a gift of teaching, you could have them all teach and they would all teach differently, uniquely. (source)
As the Spirit does with all people, He gives gifts in various amounts to glorify Jesus so that each one of us uniquely can exalt Him through our walk.
Certain of my struggles in Christianity might be unique to autism but the fact that I am a human being who struggles with sins or with obedience to Jesus is not unique at all. We all have that, no matter who we are. Where the bible says to speak the truth (Ephesians 4:15a) I can do this even when it is uncomfortable. However the verse says to speak the truth in love, and this is harder. I am unfamiliar with the usual expressions of love and I have to work a little harder to be sure not to be ungentle.
2 Timothy 3:14-17 says to study the bible, which is a great and easy thing for me to do because I love to have a study-hobby that will be ever changing and inexhaustible ... now with the eternal benefit of learning about an infinite Savior, but it also says to fellowship and meet together, (1 John 1:3, Hebrews 10:25) something that is very hard for me to do.
So I struggle with fellowship, restoring gently, and mercy, but what human doesn't struggle with some aspect of church life, obedience, or sins? Some struggle with coveting, others lying, or forgiveness. All humans find certain aspects of the rules for holy living difficult. This is a human thing, not necessarily an autistic thing.
My LORD made me. The same hand that knitted me together, autistic brain and all, also stretched out the universe. Since He made me, and all that He does is Good, then it must be good that I am the way I am. The only thing that remains is to revel in His goodness and seek ways to exalt and honor Him.
God created every snowflake in this scene unique, and perfect in its uniqueness. We are all on the same road to glory, which ends at the feet of Jesus.
 |
| Iain Thompson, Creative Commons |
Who am I to question His knitting of me? He put me on this earth, HIS earth, to enjoy His creation, to live and develop talents, and at His timing to be brought into the Kingdom a repentant sinner so as to glorify Him by the gifts He gave me. It does not matter who is male or female, who is young or old, who is gifted with mercy or who is gifted with teaching. It does not matter who is autistic, who is a paraplegic, who uses a cane to walk into church and who bounds up the steps with energy. It does not matter who was saved young and who was saved old.
"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.." (Galatians 3:28).
In Christ, I am not autistic. The only label that eternally matters is that I am called a child of the Most High God. What a glorious label!
for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. (Galatians 3:26)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Further reading
The Autistic Christian, part 1
The Autistic Christian, part 2
The Christian Institute on Disability
How should Christian parents respond if their child has a learning disability?
What effects do conditions like autism, attachment disorder, ADHD, etc., have on the Christian life?
Dear sister Elizabeth; you are precious inside and out. I love your blog and cannot wait to read it every day. You have been a blessing in my life.
ReplyDeleteThank you
Melody
What a testimony, God certainly had his hand on leading. I can tell many have been truly blessed in reading your story and also helped. I love your site and have learned a lot by reading your articles. I thank the Lord for women like you who have so much discernment as this is such a special gift. I suppose this is why I love your site. I especially loved your discernment on Beth Moore which I copy and put into a binder. I don't always find it easy to put thing into words but when I came across that, that is exactly how I felt. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, thank you. This is beautifully honest, and insightful. I am so happy thinking of you with the children at school--/God equipped you with tools and wisdom to reach them in such a unique way. Snowflake indeed! Press on, friend, as He continues to mold and use you for His glory!
ReplyDelete:)
Thank you Pensive, Anonymous and Melody, and the others who commented in parts 1 & 2. I appreciate your feedback and encouragement. I hope that anyone with any disability (though I don't consider Asperger's a disability) can come to see that they are part of God's design just as much as all other people. It's a comfort to know His hand knitted me and took care in making me, and he spent 43 years before I was saved protecting me from death, and training me in the talents He gave me and readied me to glorify Him when it was time to be saved. He is a wonderful God!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad God has taken what the world sees as a weakness and made it your strength. By studying His Word constantly, you haven't been deceived and have shared your knowledge with others through your blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Brad. I wanted to point to Him, the only worthy One. Everything that happens on earth is all about Him- those who rebel against Him He is glorified by resting His righteous wrath upon them and all those in His Bride being recipients of His tremendous holiness. Everyone who is saved can and does glorify Him at some point. The biggest goal in my life now is to use His gifts for His glory. Frankly it's a relief to always look to Him and not to contemplate my navel anymore ;)
DeleteElizabeth, what was your "A hah!" moment that lead you to accept the free gift of salvation?
ReplyDeleteI was more of a Deist, believing God existed, but believing He wasn't particularly involved in our lives. I also pondered the question of where does good and evil come from. I thought I was good, but I knew I wasn't really good. But maybe 'good enough'. However that didn't seem to fill the bill, either. I thought eternal matters (I was interested in the afterlife) should be clear and definite. After all, everyone who had died and came back had experienced a 'white light.' I thought if there was such uniformity of experience then an afterlife existed and of course God would run it. I also knew that a religious construct existed in every society that ever was. Again, I was struck by the human-kind's experience of spiritual matters. There must be something to it.
DeleteSo I studied Buddhism, which left me confused. I studied Wicca/Earth religions, and I simply felt stupid. Islam was way too complicated to even come close to being right, and all those kamikaze terrorists anyway... Studying the ancient Greek and Romans gods only served to show me that it was made-up, because those gods acted too much like humans to worship.
So I was left sort of dangling. Then I had an encounter with true evil, and I decided if there was true evil there must be true Good. The more I encountered evil, the more I decided that I was NOT good, and the only good must be from God. So I called out to Him that I wanted to be on His side, whatever it took, and I rejected evil, and pleaded for Him to make me Good. Those were the rudimentary words I used at the time. Of course now I know them as depravity, inability, faith, repentance and hell. What I did in my years and decades of rebellion, was study everything ELSE, and the only thing that was left was God and Jesus that made any sense.
Ultimately, though, God brings us into the Kingdom through no work of our own. He totally chose me- I didn't choose Him- me and He decided when and how.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThis is such a comfort to read! I have autism and my logic for finding out that God was real came in almost the exact same way.
DeleteAs someone who likes to study psychology, I began to think about where evil and good came from. Where do parents and people who are abusive come from and where do healthy parents come from? I started to conclude that good and evil are something real and not relative and they have some ultimate source.
I started to pay attention to the fact that every culture everywhere had ghost stories or spiritual experiences. I thought how it's statistically impossible that every one of those tales is someone somehow misinterpreting or imagining something.
I thought how religion and ritual is something people engage in because it's very serious to them. People don't engage in something that serious when there's nothing behind it. I started looking into people who engage in Satanic rituals.
Then, I also had an encounter with evil! It was terrifying. I began to look up people who died and came back to life and they all had Heaven/Hell experiences. I thought if the devil is real, then God is real. Then, I think my mind and heart were open to this concept that God stepped in and gave me a vision.
I'm so happy to have found your blog! As an autistic Christian, it's a great comfort to know I'm not alone and someone thinks like me!
Elizabeth - I loved reading your 3 part series about your experience with autism, and how it can be used as a gift. I really see that, and it has helped me, even though I do not have the same issue.
ReplyDeleteIt was very interesting to read how you viewed the world in childhood and now. I myself was almost the opposite in some respects. I was so empathetic and other person centered I tended to lose myself in other people. But, nature was also my escape from a troubled home; and I too saw God's handiwork in it.Your are so incredibly smart; so your ability to write about God's word and your knowledge and insight are a gift to us all!
I myself, have lyme disease. It has made me very sensitive to noise and light ,and a few of the things you experience with autism.It affects your brain and cognitive function.So I have often felt depressed and useless.I thought, what can I do as a Christian? You have helped me not give up hope, that my gifts will become apparent with time and seeking God's help.Though I do miss my keene intellect,which you lose a bit with lyme disease.I do hope I find my strengths as I battle this illness.
Your are such an inspiration!Thank-you!
May God bless you - Sue
Thank uou, Sue, for sharing your story. I appreciate it so much. I'm sorry for your Lyme Disease. I know that can be quite debilitating. Jesus loves us so much and His wisdom is so high and so creative, He can and does use every one who is in the Bride for His glory. He is using you too. Perhaps is it as you persevere in Christ despite having difficult days, YOU inspire someone else, and don't even know it!
DeleteNo temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Perhaps it is for a greater work that is coming. Trusting Him is so sweet-
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. (Hebrews 2:18)
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI am so moved by your story. Beautiful. You make me want to embrace my 6 children for who they are as individuals and to teach them about how God made every person unique and no matter how the world would "diagnose" them does not matter one wit. You are so smart and I think that you are very, very loving. I praise God for you and I'm really thankful for all that I have learned from you even though I've only known you through a computer screen. We are one in Christ! Melissa S.
Dear Elizabeth, What a blessing you are! Thank you for sharing about your life and struggles as a person with Asperger's Syndrome. This series is so well-written, with sensitivity and humor, and is the most accurate account I've ever read about living with AS in a neurotypical world. My beloved 16-year-old nephew is an Aspie, and many of his experiences and struggles are congruent to yours. I know this series, especially your spiritual insights and joyful conclusion in Part 3, will encourage him and his mom, my twin sister. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth - Thank-you for your kind and helpful response to my comment! I shall look at those passages often. Be Well - Sue
DeleteThank you. Because I really needed to read this.
ReplyDeleteYES! Another autistic Christian female here. I also love writing, subbing, and hope to be a para someday. It is encouraging to know that there are others.
ReplyDeleteHi Khendra, thanks for reading.
DeleteOf all the employment I've had, parapro has been the best. I'm not in charge so I don't offend people with my non-leadership style. I work with kids, which is easier to deal with socially and has always been an interest of mine. And best of all for me, once the school calendar is set by the School Board, I know out to 190 days EXACTLY what I will be doing and where, down to the minute (barring rare snow day or tornado). Routine is kind in a school :)
Best of luck pursuing your profession, I know you will enjoy!
This is simply beautiful! I am also Autistic, and age 43, and didn't know about Autism till I was older, due to my own son on the spectrum. I also worked as a paraprofessional teacher. I love the Lord! Thank you so much for this blog!
ReplyDeleteI do have a question for you. Although I myself would be considered an Aspergers person, my son (age 19) is classified more with moderate Autism. He grasps rules, and God as creator, Jesus as King. But he turns from what I would call an actual relationship with the Lord he serves. He does not want to talk to God in prayer other than regular ones at meals, etc. He is uncomfortable praying about concerns or requests, or just to give praise, even when alone. I don't know how much is due to Autism, but I would say probably a lot. Do you have any suggestions about how I can help him develop a closeness with God?
Thank you! <3
Hi Jen,
DeleteI've been thinking over your question for a few days. It is very hard to answer. The diagnosis of Autism means we are on a spectrum, each individual autistic person as a snowflakes in terms of our needs and skills and relationships. Just as the saying goes, "If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person," it can be said "If you've met one autistic Christian, you've met one autistic Christian."
However, Jesus is above all diagnoses. If we are in Christ our affections will be totally oriented toward Him, though initially as we grow in sanctification they are mere embers which the Spirit fans into flames over time. Sometimes a long time.
Just as with any relationship between autistic folks and another person, each relationship is expressed differently. Your son might have difficulty with praise overall, but feels a deep gratitude toward Jesus inside himself, but does not express it the way other people do.
Let's go back to the basics, before salvation, did your son truly understand about his position before Christ, as a sinner in need of repentance? Has he repented? Does he love Jesus and want to obey His precepts? Have you seen fruit and growth in your son since he repented and was saved?
Prayer is very important and if you see he is not engaged in that particular spiritual discipline, you could talk with him, sharing scripture verses that discuss the practice (the scriptures are what convict, not mom's persuasion /smile/). Second, you could model it. Does your son see you pray? Are you a praying family? Do you praise Jesus when prayer requests are fulfilled?
Eventually the Spirit will overcome the autism and stretch your son to do these things that don't seem natural to him now. It might take a while. Keep modeling, living for Christ, being patient, and praying.
This has helped me tremendously. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi I have yet to realize if I have autism or not... You see I grew up in a home where I was misunderstood most my life and abise was rampant... It got worse when I got into school I would find myself alone for hours and would watch other children and wonder why I was so different... I excelled academically but when I realized I had reached the "peak" I just became disillussioned... I am now in my 30s and answers are vague but I am praying as I write this and I felt compelled to write this and hope the author reads this and that by simply posting something like this is truly sognificant and hope-giving
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous,
DeleteIf you owuld like ot obtain answers, so you don't have to wonder any more, there are many qualified professionals who can test you. You can also read Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome which is very helpful, It's detailed but not in psychological jargonese. Alternately, there is an online test developed by Autism porfessionals which does not give a diagnosis but gives strong indicators. It is well-respected, Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues at Cambridge's Autism Research Centre have created the Autism-Spectrum Quotient, or AQ, as a measure of the extent of autistic traits in adults. http://www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/
Mind you obtaining definitive answers is helpful but doesn't solve everything and there are times when I wish I DIDN'T know. So beware of that.
if you are a Christian, Jesus is the ultimate help. he made every person, crafted every brain, so this is not an accident. Read your Bible to see how and where He may be using you where you are in your sphere.
As any autistic person would say, our diagnosis is just that, a diagnosis, it doesn't define us. Either knowing or not knowing, mainly we just take a deep breath, suck it up, and get on with life. That's all there is to it. :)
Hi i wish it were truly all that simple for me to suck it up and go on with life... I mean that kindly. I have been reading ur blog btw and am very encouraged about many things... You are an encouragement spiritually and it seems you truly have a gift of discernment... Please continue with that...
DeleteHi Anonymous,
DeleteI know, I agree it is not simple. It is not easy. Contained within the admonition to just get on with things, I mean:
--fortitude. That word means having courage in adversity.
--don't dwell. What I mean here is to keep the attention directed at people, tasks at hand, and our lives...not on a diagnosis.
--Strength. What I mean here is to be strong in facing the challenges of each day and also to be strong enough to ask for help when one needs it, something autistic people typically have a hard time with.
Sometimes people over-complicate things. What I mean when I say 'that's all there is to it' is to strip away the man-generated complications and just get up each day, take a deep breath, and deal. Lots of people do that every day who face all kids of different challenges, such as Alzheimer's caregiving, recovering from a stroke, cancer, single motherhood, etc, and they get up and "just do it." We do too.
I don't mean to over-simplify, as a matter of fact, I find that things are getting harder, not easier as I get older. Actually, they are getting harder every day. But nothing I or any Autistic Christian faces is going to be too hard for us because of the blessing of the largest shoulders in the Universe upon which to lean: Jesus.
Hi Elizabeth,
DeleteFor some reason my prior two commenys weren't published...
My main concern as someone who is seeking a diagnosis and seeing sogns of it is the financial aspect... I've done my research etc. and have come to see that it truly is very expensive and most pften services arent covered... I am sort of in disarray and my counselor has even told me that why shoukd I bother with this...
One: I can see myself dorectly affected by this on a daily basis... accomplishing tasks is harder than ever
Two: Relationships are way harder than ever and I cant bear another hospitalization
Three: This constant hate for God coz I just cant figure THIS or my life out
I totally get it if you dont publish this coz its probably worthless to you... but if I believe anything about being a Christian it is HOPE... I believe our God never leaves us in the dark
Dear Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteStarting to realize the selfish tone of my prior comment. I'm sorry... I guess I just got so caught up... I guess despite it all I really am blessed... Thank you for your time...
:) No worries. I knwo how it can be. Lots of times I do nto post a comment because sometimes the person later regrets a momentary emotional weakness and becomes embarrassed by their accidental outpouring. Other times, I don't want the blog to become a counseling blog, I'm not qualified to counsel and I hesitate to allow others to do so.
DeleteRelax into your autism and go with its blessings and highlights. Everybody has something, all is not greener on the other side of the fence. Yes, things are harder for me and getting harder, but they're hard for parents of severely injured kids, for the adult who cares for mom diagnosed with Alzheimer's, for the sudden widow...things get hard all the time for various reasons. I try not to let autism dominate my life but simply be a part of it and who I am. :)
Thanks again... I've honestly never really met anyone with autism (but myself)... As you are, you have helped me so much... Thanks
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ReplyDeleteJust finished watching this movie called Florence Foster Jenkins... It was quite interesting as Meryll Streep portrayed the character. The end struck me and seems to somewhat resemble my life... There was a point where Florence in the movie couldve stopped... she could have quit and given up hope. Like the Apostle Paul who even despaired of life during his trials we are tempted as Christians to lose hope be it autism or any mental impairment... but as you wrote we all go through... MAY WE ENCOUNTER CHRIST AND SEEK TO ENCOURAGE. Sorry for my incessant posts I was the previous anonymous writer and realize Christ is enough...
ReplyDeleteThank you Elizabeth... I thank you for your testimony and life
ReplyDeletehttp://www.aspergerministry.org/2016/10/being-avoided-is-discouraging.html
ReplyDeletewhat do you think about this article?
I only skimmed it Jeremy, but mainly I think that everyone has challenges and that the Lord helps us either ignore or overcome them so we can do what we are supposed to do, for the glory of God.
DeleteThank you Elizabeth... That is a good reminder. I guess Im just in a tough spot right now... planning to propose to my girlfriend... being diagnosed and in denial... stressed with financial problems hut the miraculous thing is that I'm holding onto God but more like He's holding on to me... Sometimes I wish I had more time... seems like its sparse for me... the only moment that happens is when I sing - thats why I sent that youtube vid of me singing. Singing gives me this feeling that although things are not OK on the outside, it's as if time stops and my only audience is God and for that brief moment every form of suffering is tolerable. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteTo Jeremy Teh,
ReplyDeleteHere is a resource for you to further investigate Asperger's and Autism.
https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome