Hating sin, loving Jesus

I totally get Paul's lament in Romans 7:15: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Every day I ask the Lord for opportunities to obey. For the most part I do, but sometimes I don't. I hate that. I love Jesus and I want to make a Kingdom difference, but when He presents something I still balk sometimes. As Paul said, " don't understand what I do..."

So Saturday the Spirit said clearly that our church and its people are under attack. I've noticed this more lately. The more a Christian steps out, the more the adversary will attack. We are told in these times to expect such attacks. (Ephesians 6:10-18). I was to do my part by prayer walking the church property perimeter before services this Sunday and every Sunday. I thought, hmmm, OK. But when Sunday dawned I started talking myself out of it. I gave all the fleshly excuses, shoes, chest pains, weather, etc, and even convinced myself that wasn't really what I heard Him say anyway.

Then at church Sunday service He made it evident that there was a lot going on. During the opening hymn singing, a lady spontaneously went forward to the altar to pray. Then more people. When the hymn finished, the Pastor's wife got up and said that she can't go two feet in the hallway before someone comes to her beseeching for prayers. There are a lot of serious illnesses, heartaches, and tremendous difficulties facing our families, she said. Everyone is hurting. She said we were obviously under attack.

After the lady had come forward, the Pastor's wife spoke, she asked the church to pray. About a hundred people came forward and swamped the altar and prayed. I felt terrible I failed to do my part in what the Holy Spirit prompted me to do. I took that opportunity to scoot out the front and do the prayer walk the Spirit has asked me to do.

I don't have any illusions that I could have prevented any attacks, or that my failure to obey meant things would come crashing down, lol, no delusions of grandeur here. I mean simply that He had asked me to do something, something EASY and ORDINARY: pray and walk, and even at that I still disobeyed! Why do I do that? Why?? I realized that by not obeying I wasn't hurting myself but as Pastor said, we are all one body. When one part doesn't work then something else will be impacted or not impacted. That is why I was so upset with myself. My resistance to being used meant that perhaps someone else was not helped.

I am so, so, so sick of sin, in other people of course- isn't it easier to hate sin in others? lol, but I truly hate it worse in myself. I hate my sin!!! I'm convinced that the bible's promises of entering His rest (Hebrews 4:1) do not mean rest from labors. We will be doing a lot of work on New Earth and New Jerusalem. I am convinced the verse means rest from our struggles with sin. In our glorified bodies in a sinless world, we will no longer have to guard every thought, control the tongue, fail, confess, obey, and repeat the fleshly cycle. It's tiring. I can't wait for rest. I really can't.

The best part thought is that He is so present in the world, and so active and alive in us. He is so gracious to accept my repentance, and to bless me afterwards with a peace that He knows my heart (and loves me anyway.) I love Him so much. We have the truest God and the Best God possible. I don't know why everyone doesn't follow Him.

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