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By Elizabeth Prata
When you're a kid in an abusive home, the number one feeling is uncertainty. The abused child is uncertain that this is the way things are supposed to be. One is unsure. Is this love, when daddy hits me? Is this what love is when mommy neglects me? They tell you they love you, but then act in ways that don't seem loving. How do other families do it? The child doesn't know, the other family is behind closed doors. When the child visits the other families, they seem nice. But then again, so does the kid's family when other people visit the abusive home.
As the child grows, he or she becomes a little more sure that this dynamic isn't the way that it's supposed to be. Therefore what grows alongside the uncertainty is hope. As maturity forms, hope forms. The tween/teen/young adult thinks, I'm not sure this is the way things are supposed to be, but I hope tomorrow will be better. One hopes that tomorrow they'll love me. They'll stop hitting me. They'll quit neglecting me. They won't molest me anymore. Mommy won't bully or belittle me. When they promise something, like a trip to the park or an ice cream, they really mean it this time; it will happen. The child hopes against hope that it will happen.
The hope becomes a lifesaving ring but also an albatross. Each time the hope is dashed, one clings to it but it becomes more drenched with tears. And again, and again. The hope is battered and then one sad day, inevitably dashed. No trip to the park after all. Dad got mad and threw the ice cream cones to the ground. Mom wasn't home to greet the kids after school again. The belt comes out, again. And again. Tears drench the life ring, which becomes soggy and begins to sink.
Where is true hope?
The child cries, 'Why are things like this?' Why don't parent have natural affection for their children? One thing the abused child knows is that parents are supposed to love their kids. This can't be love. Is it? The abused want to know what love IS...
The Bible says that in the end time, parents won't have natural affection for their children.
Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, (2 Timothy 3:3 KJV).
The end time is the time between Jesus' first coming and second coming. The end time is happening now. We're in it.
John MacArthur has said that God uses three mechanisms to restrain sin in the unsaved: the individual conscience, the government's laws, and the family. The family is basic to nurturing the God-instilled sense of right and wrong. Without that natural affection, there's an absence of the critical nurturing and cultivation of the conscience within the family that society needs. Society suffers a dreadful result with tis absence.
I think we are seeing that result in these days. The days and years ahead will be worse, I'm afraid. Any cycle, once reaching its tipping point, proceeds at an increased pace.
The child with no moral footing footing will search for the love that is lacking in their nuclear home, making it easier for satan to lure the child/youth/adult into schemes and situations that are detrimental to him or her. He will try to find a substitute family that operates on a twisted cycle of love. Gangs become more attractive. Polyamorous relationships or even a cult will seem normal. The perversity of a kinky bondage Master/slave pairing will seem OK. Homosexual partners raise children. And so on.
The horror of the end of the end times is pretty inconceivable. We know that in the book of Revelation, the natural disasters and such will go on, relentlessly. But the worse horror is a world full of twisted, perverse, emotionally stunted people with no conscience or sense of right and wrong.
That's the real horror.
The beauty, the grace, the relief, and the HOPE is that God's grace doesn't stop. His Gospel in Jesus Christ's life, death and resurrection now still has and always will have power to save the soul, revive the conscience, and enlarge the heart. Keep sharing. We know the times will get worse and worse. (2 Timothy 3:13). Fewer people will respond, but many will. God has ordained the times, and though we mourn the tragic life of those children raised in homes without natural affection, the love of Jesus will pierce some of them and allow true hope and true love to flow back in.
Then they will eternally know the natural affection of the family of God. What a day that will be.
When you're a kid in an abusive home, the number one feeling is uncertainty. The abused child is uncertain that this is the way things are supposed to be. One is unsure. Is this love, when daddy hits me? Is this what love is when mommy neglects me? They tell you they love you, but then act in ways that don't seem loving. How do other families do it? The child doesn't know, the other family is behind closed doors. When the child visits the other families, they seem nice. But then again, so does the kid's family when other people visit the abusive home.
As the child grows, he or she becomes a little more sure that this dynamic isn't the way that it's supposed to be. Therefore what grows alongside the uncertainty is hope. As maturity forms, hope forms. The tween/teen/young adult thinks, I'm not sure this is the way things are supposed to be, but I hope tomorrow will be better. One hopes that tomorrow they'll love me. They'll stop hitting me. They'll quit neglecting me. They won't molest me anymore. Mommy won't bully or belittle me. When they promise something, like a trip to the park or an ice cream, they really mean it this time; it will happen. The child hopes against hope that it will happen.
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| EPrata photo |
The hope becomes a lifesaving ring but also an albatross. Each time the hope is dashed, one clings to it but it becomes more drenched with tears. And again, and again. The hope is battered and then one sad day, inevitably dashed. No trip to the park after all. Dad got mad and threw the ice cream cones to the ground. Mom wasn't home to greet the kids after school again. The belt comes out, again. And again. Tears drench the life ring, which becomes soggy and begins to sink.
Where is true hope?
The child cries, 'Why are things like this?' Why don't parent have natural affection for their children? One thing the abused child knows is that parents are supposed to love their kids. This can't be love. Is it? The abused want to know what love IS...
The Bible says that in the end time, parents won't have natural affection for their children.
Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, (2 Timothy 3:3 KJV).
The end time is the time between Jesus' first coming and second coming. The end time is happening now. We're in it.
This phrase "without natural affection" is the translation of one Greek word, astergeo. ... The word stergeo ("natural affection") is one of four Greek words for "love," but it is never used at all in the New Testament. It refers to the natural love that members of the same family have for each other. It is such a common characteristic of all peoples that there was apparently no occasion to refer to it at all -- except when it is not present, when people lose their instinctive love for their own parents and children, and thus are "without natural affection." One thinks of the widespread abortionism of these last days, as well as the modern breakdown of the family in general. (Source: Institute for Creation Research)The Christian mind does not want to, or can't comprehend, the absence of natural affection from a parent to a child. It seems impossible that a parent does not love their child, batters them physically or emotionally, sometimes, just for fun. But it exists. The Bible says it does, our experience as social workers, police, teachers, shows that it does, the news reports illustrate that it does. But to the child, they simply don't know why people who are supposed to love them actually do not.
John MacArthur has said that God uses three mechanisms to restrain sin in the unsaved: the individual conscience, the government's laws, and the family. The family is basic to nurturing the God-instilled sense of right and wrong. Without that natural affection, there's an absence of the critical nurturing and cultivation of the conscience within the family that society needs. Society suffers a dreadful result with tis absence.
 |
| EPrata photo |
The child with no moral footing footing will search for the love that is lacking in their nuclear home, making it easier for satan to lure the child/youth/adult into schemes and situations that are detrimental to him or her. He will try to find a substitute family that operates on a twisted cycle of love. Gangs become more attractive. Polyamorous relationships or even a cult will seem normal. The perversity of a kinky bondage Master/slave pairing will seem OK. Homosexual partners raise children. And so on.
The horror of the end of the end times is pretty inconceivable. We know that in the book of Revelation, the natural disasters and such will go on, relentlessly. But the worse horror is a world full of twisted, perverse, emotionally stunted people with no conscience or sense of right and wrong.
That's the real horror.
The beauty, the grace, the relief, and the HOPE is that God's grace doesn't stop. His Gospel in Jesus Christ's life, death and resurrection now still has and always will have power to save the soul, revive the conscience, and enlarge the heart. Keep sharing. We know the times will get worse and worse. (2 Timothy 3:13). Fewer people will respond, but many will. God has ordained the times, and though we mourn the tragic life of those children raised in homes without natural affection, the love of Jesus will pierce some of them and allow true hope and true love to flow back in.
Then they will eternally know the natural affection of the family of God. What a day that will be.
 |
| EPrata photo |
Elizabeth, thank you for writing this.
ReplyDeleteSome of these very people may be in our midst on a daily basis, even in church... some children currently in the thick of it, some as adult survivors of abuse. Some of these very people may have even been injured in a Christian home or in a Christian church (which makes it all the more horrific). Most of the time, however, you won't know who they are, because (for many reasons) they usually do not speak. Many suffer in silence.
The best thing believers can do if they realize they have encountered one of these shattered souls is genuinely listen and care, with "gentleness and respect". As you said, people from these broken homes often have no idea what love is. We as believers should be able to show love in our actions as much as we speak it with our words. And, if anything, abuse survivors need to see consistency in both.
Being called to minister in this area is a blessing and a privilege.
-Carolyn